Flab-ergasted

As you know, I tend to stay away from mirrors due to ongoing gravity issues.  Yesterday, however, I accidentally glimpsed something really awful.  It turns out that my upper arms have become like ocean waves in a tidal wash, rolling around back and forth.  I could say it is flab, but I prefer to say that the moon has been overpowering my arms, creating huge tides that carry skin to and fro.  (You may have noticed that I am a bit focused on the ocean–because I missed my annual trek to the surf, which is another whole story for some other time, pardon me).

It is apparently time for me to forsake short-sleeved anythings.  Allowing the world to see such skin tides might be a little much, given the times.  However, it is hot outside, being summer and all, so perhaps I should just wear a sign saying “beware, loose skin”.  That might call too much attention to the problem, though.

Anyone who is now saying, “why doesn’t she just exercise and tighten up those whatevers”, can move on because I am not listening.  It is best that I avoid mirrors and pretend that the tides of skin are not upon me.  So shall it be.