Widow and Orphan

A friend told me, upon hearing of the death of my mom in January, that had followed closely on the death of my dad in September, just six months after my partner had died, that it must be hard to be widowed and orphaned all in one year.  Yes, indeed.  He also said that now we are the next.  The generation above us is gone, and we will be the next in line to go.  That comment was sort of a wake up, as I certainly had not thought of things that way at all.

In some way, maybe losing all of those loved people in a short time period was a blessing.  I could grieve them all, without needing to fear the next death.  In other ways, though, it was not at all a blessing.  By the time mom died, there seemed to be no more feeling in me, and I think I have not grieved for her as I would wish.

All three of these people meant the world to me, and all shaped who I am now.  I have spent some time on the beach (actually, a couple of beaches) and much more time at home in my garden thinking about the ways I was changed by the love given me by them.  And I think that my love for them changed them too.  I won’t go into all of that here.  But it is a hurt to know that during their lives I did not tell them often enough that I felt such gratitude to them and love for them as I went through life and recognized the better person I was becoming for knowing them.

I choose now  to do what I can to help bring about a good future for others.  I do this for myself, and in honor of my partner and my parents.  Their voices will no longer be heard on this earth, but I will try to speak for them in ways I know they would appreciate.

Cheers, to Bob, Stewart, and Helen.  You are loved and missed.

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