Becoming

When is it too late to become who you think you want to be?  Or, is it always too early?  I think it takes almost all of one’s life to determine who or what s/he wants to become.  I also think it is possible to never even try to describe a”becomed” me.

I do know that at various times in my life, I have admired someone and thought, gee, wouldn’t it be good if I were to become her (actually, become like her).  Oh yes, I knew I was me and could never be she, but I thought I might be able to take on some characteristics of her and thereby become someone else.

I think my first attempt at becoming someone else was after watching Annette Funicello on the Mickey Mouse Club.  Oh, she was talented, cute, liked by everyone.  Just what I wished I was and tried, briefly, to become.  Later, there was Kate Hepburn in her trousers, so competent, so calm, so assured, so beautiful.  Oh, would she were me (actually, would me were she)!

Perhaps surprisingly, I never had a teacher I wanted to become, nor a friend.  Well, I take that back.  I had some friends when I was little who I wanted to be just like because everyone liked them and I was sure that nobody really liked me (except Mom and Dad, but they had no choice).  I was probably wrong about the part where I thought no one liked me, but I was a kid then.

They say time will tell.  Time has not told me much about my becoming.  I know a little–I want to be self-assured, funny, liked if not loved but love would be good, and kind.  Some of this I think I am.  But my model becomee, Kate, has not been attained.  I suppose that is best.  It would be unfortunate if I were to make an absolute choice about what I am to become, since then I would have becomed, and then what?

I blame this all on the time of year.  I am certain I will continue to become next week. Right now it is difficult to think about who I want to be.  Or anything else, for that matter. That’s life. Oh, she cried, what is to become of me?

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2 thoughts on “Becoming

  1. As Genghis Khan once said, “Man’s reach must exceed his grasp, or what’s a Heaven for?” You may not be able to fill the trousers of one Kate, but you could aspire to aspects of others — Smith, Winslet, Aragon, Eriksdotter…

    Also, keep in mind that becoming is better than having become. That you have within you the Set of All Possible Maps of your life story, and if you finally settle on one location, you are probably at a suboptimal solution that, nirvana-like makes you one with the Great Nothingness. This is a goal prized by some, but you miss a lot of anime that way.

  2. This is great, Sandie! I agree with the other person who commented, “becoming is better than having become.” I find that aspiration is better than perspiration.

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